Hello Everyone,

In continuing our theme of relationships this fall, I realize that one of most important aspects of creating healing loving relationships whether it be with our children, spouse or friends, is to be a safe space for others to be themselves. After all, if we come to our relationships thinking that we need to fix, rescue or change someone then at some level we are already judging the person in a certain way.

As a therapist, one of the most important aspects of my work is, in fact, to hold the space where the client can have access to all aspects of themselves. Often people come to therapy feeling there is something wrong or something to fix and they may not be in touch with their wholeness or natural brilliance where healthier choices and healing can take place. The same goes for our relationships with our children or spouses. One of the greatest lessons I have learnt as a parent is to trust that my daughter has her own innate intelligence and to listen for it rather than jumping to conclusions or feel I or someone else might know better.

None of us like to feel judged or criticized and yet sometimes we feel that this is our role in our relationships. Oftentimes, however, when we look more deeply it is possible we are also doing that to ourselves. The Buddhists call it “dropping the knife”. Our ability to create a safe place for others starts with ourselves. Do you feel safe and comfortable with your thoughts and emotions or are you engaged in any kind of self-betrayal or rejection? If you tend to judge yourself then it becomes more automatic to judge others.

This week I invite you to consider how safe you feel within yourself or as a container for others. This practice is not to correct or judge anything but moreover to bring some awareness for the kind of field you might hold for others. Just softening and breathing into our felt emotions or tensions that may arise as a result of this exercise will go a long way to ease the way. By listening to ourselves and finding compassionate ways to relate to ourselves we will naturally extend that to others.

We are all doing the best that we can!

Have a great month,
Much love,

Vivianne