So here we are well into the winter months in the northern hemisphere and with the season comes energies that tend to bring us inward, down deep within ourselves. You might find yourself wanting to spend some time in reflective practices such as journaling or enjoying the stillness of nature. Or you may find yourself craving activities that keep you warm and cozy. Our bodies can often lead the way. Listening to ourselves and what we might need in any given day is a beautiful practice.

We may also become more aware of many emotions surfacing to be acknowledged and integrated. Some of these feelings could feel rather intense at times. One tip to handle this experience is simply to take a few moments just to write down all the feelings you might be aware of bringing compassion and appreciation for yourself in that moment. If you have experienced any kind of developmental or adult trauma these thoughts and emotions can feel particularly overwhelming and confusing, therefore, it is important to take the time to slow down, breathe and come into the present moment experience: welcoming everything, including the sensations you might feel in the body. Even a few moments of this type of practice can shift our whole being into more coherence.

We know from the attachment and trauma literature that one of the most important things we can do for ourselves Is to choose and create emotionally safe relationships and environments where we can express and be ourselves without fear of judgement.

Many of you might already be aware of people in your life with whom you can feel safe and able to share your vulnerabilities and messiness. if you are not, then I invite you to take the time to think about those who can hold that safe space for you. These safe relationships can feel wonderful and tremendously healing for all concerned.

However, what is less talked about is the need to create a sense of safety within ourselves. This is especially important when faced with someone else’s judgement. Can you easily let yourself be ok with what is? Or when we are feeling triggered and having a difficult day is there a tendency to become defensive or attack ourselves with harsh critical words. Or maybe our minds might start wanting to go into comparison. This kind of inner dialogue can happen quickly and unchecked tends to close ourselves off from the mystery and the magic of life as it unfolds. The mind has many opinions, however, it does not mean it is “the Truth”, the problem lies in believing it is. A resource I really love and one you might find very helpful is an article that can be found on Miranda Macpherson’s website: “The power of defenselessness”.

So this February, I invite you to hold yourself and others in a space of unconditional love and acceptance. It does not mean we need to be perfect to allow that to happen. Nor does it mean that we abandon ourselves when we need to speak up or stand our ground. However, it is in our most challenging moments that acceptance and forgiveness for our humanness is often what is most needed. I do believe we are all doing the best we can even when it might not seem like that!! I leave you with these words from one my favorite mentors:

“Remember you did not come here to be normal, you came here to be you”
Robert Holden

Much love,

Vivianne

February has arrived and with it the colder weather it seems.  However, since February is the month of love, I feel warm and cozy inside as I contemplate love in all its forms.   Although I can enjoy and experience all kinds of love, romantic love, parental love, love in families, friendships, divine love, the kind of love that I return to again and again is unconditional love.

When I am with my clients we often end up exploring this notion of unconditional love, partly, because for many of us the way we love ourselves and others is very much conditional.  However, the very fact of being human means that we are imperfect and in the human kind of love there will inevitably be ups and downs.  The more that we can forgive and accept ourselves and others then the easier and smoother the ride will be.  It does not mean that we do not sometimes need to discuss and clarify situations and express our feelings but it does mean that just as we are not perfect we do not expect others to be.    The phrase “I love you just the way you are” does not necessarily mean I have loved every single thing that you do or say but it means that I see your spirit and your gifts and I can also see your humanness,  your imperfections and I love you anyway.

If you are interested in exploring the topic of unconditional love further, there is a wonderful article written by the Heart Math Institute this month in their blog “Heart Qualities for Resetting the Heart”.  Their website is www.heartmath.org.