“All the birds and creatures of the world are unutterably themselves. Everything is waiting for you.”

– David Whyte

Hello everyone,

Can you feel it?

Here we are at the end of another winter.  I notice I have begun trading my winter boots for running shoes, a clear sign that my feet and body are beginning to transition to the warmer months ahead.  The pavements free of ice and snow once more offering a speedy pathway to wherever we want to go.

Some of us are like bears.  Having hibernated for most of the winter beneath blankets and warm clothes we find ourselves needing to stretch and sigh a lot.  Maybe lumbering  a little slower than we might like as we find ourselves moving slowly as the new season beckons.

Some of us are like birds chirping in delight as they reconnect to their favourite trees again.  The ones they abandoned when they were covered in snow and ice.

Some of us are like the orange crocuses I came upon today.  Already showing their bright colours.  One of the first flowers unafraid to shine boldly and fully, letting us know that spring has truly arrived.

Some of us might be like the little shoots still hiding beneath the earth,  reluctant and shy.  Maybe peeping out wondering if it is warm enough, inviting enough, to fully spring into action.  Perhaps enjoying the coziness and insular nature of winter for just a little bit longer. 

Some might be like my sweet dog who finds his way each spring through the melting snow from deck to garden.  Every year he travels that path which is blocked to him during the deepest winter months with mounds of snow much larger than him.  Enthusiastically,  he scampers and sniffs his way around the garden making sure not to miss an  inch.  Visiting the familiar places that he spends the other seasons exploring easily.  At the end of his adventure, he lifts his face up to the sun, feeling the still crisp air, as if to say “thank you, I have been waiting for you”. 

So no matter how you spent the winter, or where you find yourself, what you might notice is that your mind and body have already begun to respond to the sounds and rhythms of the new and emerging season.  The world might tell you need improving, fixing, dissecting and diagnosing.  And perhaps we all need a dose of that at times.  A chance to reset, course correct and set our compasses once more.   

But what is equally true, is that we also need to feel and sense more of our life in order to connect to that first step that is waiting for us to take.  Somatic methods in psychology include the body for a very good reason.  It is through our senses that we fully experience and connect to the world and ourselves.  Dissociation is an adaptive process that can occur when we are young (or at any time) because our environments feel too stressful or unsafe.  Our young minds and bodies too vulnerable to fully feel and experience such difficulties that are best to be dealt with later when we are in a safer and more supportive place. 

So this spring, you might find yourself not feeling, or feeling too much. I realise it can feel overwhelming sometimes if faced with a barrage of thoughts and emotions surfacing for the first time.  However we don’t have to process everything all at once.  Simply noticing and naming can offer a little more wiggle room.  Just as the ground thaws and the snow dissipates slowly but surely, perhaps there is some room to open up our mind, body and hearts to melt and feel just a drop more each day. 

How else will we open up to the beauty of our natures,  as it arises both within and without?

Wishing you an easy transition.

Warmly,

Vivianne

We have recently celebrated Thanksgiving in Canada and November Is the month of Thanksgiving in the United States. 

Thanksgiving, very simply, is a celebration of the abundance of the harvest.  These days it becomes an opportunity to appreciate all that is good in our lives.

Rick Hanson, renowned neuroscientist and author of “Hardwiring Happiness” discusses the science based theory that the brain is hardwired to remember negative and painful events (“negativity bias” ).

He says “ because our brains are like Velcro for the bad and Teflon for the good, frustration, worry, and stress are quickly wired into your nervous system”.

However, using the science of positive neuroplasticity it is possible for us learn how to acknowledge what may be difficult in our lives while also shifting our attention to the good that is also there.  Apparently we need to allow ourselves, at least 20 seconds, to change our neurochemistry. Savouring our experiences is not only pleasurable but beneficial for our brains.

Gratitude journals have become popular for this very reason.   If we can write out a few things each day for what or whom we appreciate we can start to feel the effects.  Appreciation also lands better when we actually reflect on the reasons why we appreciate what we appreciate and allow for a whole body experience.

If you are interested in this topic Rick Hanson’s website is full of amazing articles and podcasts intended to not only inspire but also educate. 

Much love,

Vivianne

You have to feel it to heal it: The only way out is through

Hayley Magee

Have you ever observed children on the playground, or your own young children.?  It is amazing to watch them go from laughter to crying in a matter of seconds, or a temper tantrum to full blown giggles and kisses within a few minutes. When my daughter was a young child I loved hearing her and her friends play with shrieks of delight and aliveness.  There were also conflicts, tears and angry outbursts but if you didn’t get too much in the way they seemed to have a way of resolving themselves.  Many of us, however, got scolded for those very experiences, or taught to be quiet or felt we had to dim down our intensity in order to be accepted and loved.  I am sure many of you can relate.

As adults, therefore,  we can hold a lot of judgement around feeling and expressing so called negative emotions such as anger and sadness.    Or depending on your culture , feeling any intense emotions at all.  We come to a therapy session sometimes to “feel better”  not always understanding that the main way to “feel better” is actually to allow ourselves to connect and embrace whatever we are in fact living and feeling.   Feelings are energy, and energy is not negative or positive (Dr. Sue Morter, 2022).

Over the last few decades, there has been an increased spotlight on the “mind-body” connection.  The fact is that we live in a body and therefore whatever we are experiencing e.g. trauma, abuse, heartache, betrayal is also registered in our body.  A series of studies over the last few decades show that suppressing our emotions does affect your body and mind  (Havard School of Public Health, 2013; 2019).  Suppressing our emotions such as anger and frustration can lead to physical stress on our bodies.  Victoria Tarratt, a clinical psychologist from one of the  studies reports “we know that it can affect blood pressure, memory and self-esteem”.   And “longer term there is an increased risk of diabetes and heart disease”.    Physical pain has also been linked to suppressed emotion.

Learning to navigate strong emotions can be challenging.  However one of the first steps is a willingness to embrace and accept whatever we are feeling with no judgement.  Just asking ourselves “what am I feeling?” and writing it down or exploring the feeling with another person is helpful.  We need to encourage ourselves and others to feel our pain and grief entirely not gloss over it.  This can include the “felt sense” in our bodies.   If we are busy or in a work situation we might want to put our feelings aside until we can be with them more fully but that is not the same as avoiding or suppressing them. 

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and regulate our emotions.  We may all find this difficult, at times, however, the good news is that we can all learn the skills necessary to improve our emotional intelligence.

On another note, I am currently working on a new website and a blog “Vivianne’s Musings” will be sent out seasonally while this process is underway. 

Wishing you a glorious summer.

Much love,

Vivianne

“Peace is not the absence of conflict.  It is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means”  – Ronald Regan.

Do you ever find yourself reacting rather than responding?   Most of us would agree, that what we want more than anything in our lives is a sense of harmony and loving relationships with our family and friends.  However miscommunication and misinterpretations of a situation can set people off and before you know  you can find yourself reacting rather than responding.  So what is the difference?

If we find ourselves reacting then generally we are either blaming ourselves or the other person for whatever is going on.  This can result in a lot of hurt feelings or put us or the other person on the defensive.  When we are responding then we are taking a step back, a breath, a pause to reflect on how we choose to respond so as not to cause further confusion or conflict.  In other words we take responsibility for what we are putting out in the world.  The latter might also require us to consider our intentions in our relationships. For example, do we want to fight or do we want to find ways to cooperate and connect.? 

The truth is that it is not always easy to hold back from acting out when we feel activated (Gottman Institute, 2019).   It is human nature to slip back into familial ways of communicating even when we know they are not useful.  However, with a little willingness we can all learn the skills to self soothe, to pause and take responsibility for our part in a relationship.  Here is a tool that can facilitate calm both within ourselves and for those around us helping us to handle our intense emotions in a kind and loving way.

Step one:  Notice what you are feeling.  This could include thoughts, emotions and disturbing sensations in the body.

Step two:  Name the thoughts and feelings  Taking some time to write down what you are thinking and feeling about a situation can be very helpful and bring some spaciousness (and patience) to feel rather than react. 

Step three.  Bring some kindness to this reaction until the annoyance or frustration starts to dissipate.  If this is hard for you then putting one hand on your heart and easing the feelings with the energy of your heart can also help to soften and soothe your stance towards the situation.

Repeat as necessary!

When you do find yourself reacting (and we all do) please be gentle with yourself.  Close relationships can trigger some pretty difficult stuff.  Also at times,  our “window of tolerance” (Dan Siegal) to feel and emotionally regulate Is limited due to past traumas or an inability to feel safe within.   If this is the case please consult with a licensed professional who is trauma informed and can assist you with emotional regulation.   The Jersey Psychology and Wellbeing Service, May 2020 also has an excellent article on this subject.

I am currently in the process of updating my website and blog and so in the meantime, Viviane’s Musings are being posted seasonally as this process gets underway..

As always, if you have any questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me.

In the meantime, much love.

Vivianne

How are you all doing?

The winter months can offer us a welcome few weeks of stillness and reflection.  A chance to turn the flash light within to uncover that which is truly important and nourishing.   

In listening to many people during the year, it seems what most people want most in their lives is am experience of calm and peace.  As well as a sense of joy and connection with those they love.  Our minds, however, will tell us (or even convince us,) that there is much to be afraid of.  

Our minds have a great deal to do with how we perceive reality.   What we believe is the “truth” can often be as a result of the filters with which we view the world in general.  Becoming aware of these filters and the content of our minds can be challenging in a busy and fast paced life

Slowing down is not a popular notion. It is something we save for vacations or whenever we imagine that our to do list is finished.  It is counterintuitive to think that in slowing down we can in fact accomplish more and be more discerning about what we give energy to.  It is also important to note that if what we want more than anything is to feel love, peace and connection, then the thoughts we believe and the words we express need to be aligned with this intention.

So, this holiday season I offer three simple ways to slow down and find more of the peace that you might be longing for.

1.  Take a few moments during the day to become conscious of your breath.  Long slow breaths stills the mind and brings us into the present moment.
2. Take slow walks in nature, appreciating the beauty all around you.  Connecting to our senses is one the easiest ways to slow down the mind and come into the body.
3.  Limit screen time and move your body in ways that feel healthy and pleasurable to you.

Wishing you all much love and peace during the holiday season.

Many blessings,

Vivianne

How are you all doing.?   Summer is coming to an end and although typically summer is a time of rest and renewal many people are finding themselves still tired, stressed, and generally struggling after the intense time we have had over the last year and a half.

It is important to know, you are not alone in all this and just because we seemingly have more freedom there is still much division and conflict being displayed in the world which contributes to our levels of fear, uncertainty and unease.

It is a time to be extra gentle and kind to yourself and others.  Compassionate latitude is perhaps the practice for our times (Heartmath.org).  To be generous in our assumptions of others and a desire for the highest outcome for all concerned allows us to take life less personally and provide perspective and allowance for whatever might be going on.

Take some time to slow down and connect with how you best recharge your batteries.  In might be spending more time in nature.  Or engaging in creative pursuits that bring you pleasure and a sense of relaxation.  Please know that taking care of yourself is not an indulgence to be placed after your to do list is completed.  When we put our health and wellbeing at the centre of our lives then life flows better when we are resourced and reenergized.  

Wishing you a beautiful September.

Much love,

Vivianne

The importance of prioritizing our health and wellbeing is an essential theme emerging from the pandemic.

Our bodies are inherently wise.  When we take the time to tune in and listen, we have access to much more information than if we rely on our intellect alone.  Our bodies know when we are hungry, tired, or overdoing it   We also know who we feel safe with and whom to go towards or not.   However, in many ways we have been trained not to listen to ourselves especially to our hearts and bodies.  We can rely on others telling us how we feel, or don’t feel or even should feel.   We can override our instincts just because we have been conditioned that way.   We can also be operating from a set of rules and beliefs which suggest taking care of our health is selfish or wrong.   Or there is something wrong with us rather than the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Many of the clients I work with feel exhausted and in some cases are suffering from burnout.  Allowing ourselves to slow down, take some time off and relax or reflect can be very difficult when we are not used to it.  At times our energy can be drained by worries or a stressful situation.  We are not machines, we are human beings.  In the same way we attend to our gardens at this time of year to make sure the plants have the right soil, nutrients and sun needed to thrive, we humans also need the same kind of loving attention to ensure we have all that we need.   It could be as simple as unplugging from technology and spending more time in nature.  Or evaluating how much exercise we are getting.  It might be something bigger like a job that we don’t like anymore or a difficult situation that is dysregulating our emotions and needing some resolution  

These are changing times, we can all feel it.  If you find that your old ways of living life are no longer sustainable know that you are right on track.  It might feel like a failure and you may be judging yourself or making yourself wrong.  In many cases it is just an invitation to do life differently.  We are highly creative and resourceful beings but it requires us to access and trust our inner wisdom and knowing.    Perhaps it is time to listen for what a heart led life might feel and look like.  Our hearts will often make different choices than our minds alone.  We can give ourselves permission to reset our values which include taking care of ourselves and each other.

Wishing you all a lovely spring and time to enjoy all that is budding within and around you.

As always please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or just want to say hi.

In the meantime, much love,

Vivianne

How are you all doing? I would normally send out my first newsletter of the year in January and here we are in February. Please know that I have not forgotten you, nor have I stopped writing. In fact, what I am noticing is that I am writing in my head now more than ever. Yes it is a thing. What I have learnt from hanging around writing groups and listening to podcasts with writers like Elizabeth Gilbert and Ann Lamott, is apparently many writers write in their head. The problem sometimes is actually getting it down on paper. In any event, I am so glad to finally be doing that with you. If you or any of your loved ones are an essential worker my heart and gratitude goes out to you. You know what your role is at this time. For others, it might be this is a time of inner reflection and slowing down. Some call it the great “reset”. It can also be a time of i creativity and innovation, hence the title of this blog. An opportunity to look around, evaluate where we are in our lives and like all great pilots, if necessary, course correct.

Many clients come to me for therapy or coaching filled with regret of what happened in the past and decisions they felt they made which didn’t always end up in the best way. Regret and looking back over the past can be an integral part of the learning process. We need sometimes to express the regrets and explore our feelings, what we liked, what we didn’t etc. But be careful not to assign blame too harshly for where you could not have known the outcome of your decision. For example, you buy a house for an investment and then the house market collapses and you have to sell at a loss. This is a great example of where you might have had a good idea and a good intention but the outcome was probably way out of your control. Also not a great idea to make it mean something about yourself, for example: “I don’t make good decisions” or “nothing ever works out for me”. Our brains have a negativity bias (Rick Hanson, PhD..) so it is all too easy to go there and ignore all the other decisions we have made that worked in our favor. Think about the past lightly, and where possible, forgive, send compassion to it and bring yourself gently back to the present moment. There is nothing wrong with trial and error just make sure to try again. We can’t change the past so spending too much time there might rob us of precious time to create in the now. We can begin again in any moment and reset our GPS.

So just take a moment. Light a candle, take a breath, make yourself a cup of tea and feel into what seeds you might want to be planting right now. Perhaps there is a project you have always wanted to create, or something you have wanted to learn or plant. If there is anything that comes to mind, consider that there is no better time than the present. We feel far better when we are playing in the game than sitting on the sidelines. There is no right or wrong way only something that feels good for you. If the idea lights you up you are probably on the right track.

Sending you all much love as always,

Vivianne

How are you all doing?   Life can feel challenging at times and it is easy to let stress or anxiety get the better of us.  One of the practices I have been sharing with my clients, recently, and one that I do on a regular basis is an embodied mindfulness practice. 

Dance, mind-body movement and exercise is generally one of my antidotes to feeling distracted or disconnected.   However, these days while working with video conferencing and being on the computer more than usual I find myself wanting simple practices that I can use anytime of the day to slow down my thinking and come back home to the present moment and myself.   This practice can also allow for a way to develop a loving and attentive relationship with our bodies. 

I find this practice can feel more powerful if it is carried out standing so as to feel the feet firmly rooted on the ground.  So one idea is  to try this practice while you are walking about, either inside your home or outside.

1.  Bring your attention to your breath and the core of your body.   Start breathing with the whole body and become aware of your soles on the ground.
2. Notice if your mind is distracted and gently bring your attention back into the core of the body. 
3. Again, focus on the rise and fall of your breath in the body.  Tip: placing one hand on the belly and one on the heart makes it easier for us to connect more deeply in this way.
4. From this place notice how your body is feeling.  You might want to ask yourself where you might feel tension, or ease.  Which part feels stiff or contracted. What feels more relaxed and receptive?   Become curious about those parts you may want to come back to them later.
5. Gradually slow down the whole practice and see how it feels to bring your awareness to your five senses.  You might want to ask yourself: What am I feeling right now?
6. Hearing:  what can I hear?
7. Taste:  what can I taste?
8. Touch:  how does It feel when you touch your body, or a book or whatever Is in front of you.  
9. Smell:  what can I smell?
10. Sight:  What can I see right now?

Finally pay attention to the sensations in the body, gently welcoming them without judgment.

The above is just a suggestion.  I invite you to play with what feels good for you

and find your own way to come home to your body and senses.  As children we naturally play and explore the world with our senses.  Babies for example are constantly exploring the world through their mouths.   As we develop and become adults this natural way of being can become stifled and replaced by overthinking and a reliance on our minds.  You might have noticed that when you go on vacation and are by the ocean, for example, it is easier to relax the mind and just be.   This practice allows us to cultivate this feeling while sheltering in place until such time we are able to travel more freely.

As always, if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to email me.  In the meantime, wishing you all an enjoyable holiday season.  Just a reminder:  know that there is nothing wrong with you and you are deeply loved! 

Much love,

Vivianne

How are you all doing?    I haven’t been in contact for a while although I am speaking to many of you along the way.  But especially, I wonder what you might have been uncovering and connecting to during these Covid times?  Has the slowing down, the locking down, the lines to get into anywhere, the nowhere to go feeling have you feeling frustrated, impatient or dissatisfied.?   Or have you discovered the exquisite beauty in how it feels to be still, have nowhere to go, no one to be and where you can drop into the beauty of your own heart.  Or maybe you seesaw between the two.  Connected to the humanness of our longings to do, go out, explore, acquire.  And the beingness of our spirt to experience, love, relax and lean into.

I am wondering as we shelter together, open up more together, act cautiously together during these Covid times, what you might be feeling into, opening up to?  I am wondering if you have found it easier to listen to your truth, to feel more of what brings you alive, more of what you love, and more of how you feel life should be?   Or maybe within this more spacious life, you have noticed that you are feeling more. Not just the good stuff, but buried pain and sadness emerging from the depths to be held, attended to, accepted and maybe even loved

Space offers an opportunity to slow down, savour , breathe, and feel our lives rather than trying to figure it all out.  It allows us to access the moment more easily where it seems true joy and aliveness resides.

It is in the spaciousness that I can feel the connection between you and me.  I can feel that which my heart is stirring me towards.  Asking our hearts for guidance is a practice and can support us in many ways.  I can’t help but wonder if during those summer days where we might have found ourselves with more time on our hands or just more space to be, how many more people are awakening to the wonders of their own heart.

So from my heart to yours I wish you a beautiful end of summer/fall transition.   I leave you with these two writing prompts inspired by Robert Holden

One way I could listen more to the whispers of my own heart is…….

One way I could follow the guidance of my own heart is…..

Sending you all much love,

Vivianne