Changing Assumptions
“What is the most generous assumption you can make about a person’s intentions.” Brene Brown”
While I learnt many things in my years of studying I think one of the most useful has been the notion of hypothesis testing. Probably many of you have studied research methods or the scientific enquiry and have had an opportunity to generate hypotheses around a particular topic. It is the scientific way to methodically test out our assumptions and get closer to the truth.
Our mind is filled with many thoughts and stories. In any given moment, some of them may have to do with our experience and our life and many may not. They may be coming from other people, or even from our ancestors. Trying to figure out what is true and what is not can be a daunting experience. The good things is we actually don’t need to hypothesis test each thought and belief. The main thing is not get caught up in believing that the mind knows the truth about a situation.
Unfortunately, our brains’ have a tendency to register negative experiences more than pleasant experiences. (Kendra Cherry, 2019; Gillian Leithman, 2019). This psychological phenomenon explains why, in our human relationships, past traumas can have such long lasting effects and that when we have had a negative interaction with someone we might remember it longer than a pleasant one. Brene Brown calls our tendency to jump to a worst case scenario a “shitty first draft”. You know that draft that you write first and then rewrite and rewrite. Often the finished product looks very different from that first draft. Well same thing with the mind. So what are some of the ways we can handle our minds ‘ negative bias and its tendency to jump to conclusions.
- The first step would be to take a moment to focus on the heart or the breath to quiet the mind. From this place we can ask ourselves “Is what I am thinking true?”
- Taking it a step further we could ask, “How do I know it is true”
- How else can I see this situation? What else is possible here? This is where we might want to generate other hypotheses.
- Understand that sometimes you might get an inner knowing as to what is true and other times you just won’t know. Become more comfortable in the not knowing without the need to come to hasty conclusions.
- If it feels possible check out your assumption with the person involved.
Another great resource for this kind of enquiry is Byron Katie and her school “The Work”.
If you have any questions, as always, please feel free to email me.
Have a great month everyone.
Much love,
Vivianne
