Hello Everyone,

In my last blog we begun an inquiry into the nature of aliveness and the blocks that might show up to prevent our connection to the aliveness that is within each one of us in every moment.

At times we can get distracted by our thoughts, others around us or our to do lists which keep us in our heads rather than in our bodies and hearts.  However, if we take a moment to connect to our breath, to our energy and the sensations in our bodies we can notice the pulse of life moving through us in every moment.

One of the main blocks to us feeling more alive and thus living life fully is our resistance to our emotions.  Any time we avoid feeling we are running from life itself.  Any time we suppress or judge our feelings we create blockages in our energy and in our bodies.  It does not necessarily mean that we will like everything we feel but we will feel more connected and more alive when we can be and embrace our whole selves.

Emotions are so often misunderstood (Raphael Cushnir).   Inherently there are no negative or positive feelings.  Emotions are just energy in motion.  However when we judge what we are feeling as wrong or make a story about them we stop the natural flow.  Often we don’t want to feel our sadness, or our anger because we think it says something about us.  For example, we might tell ourselves, f I am angry with someone then it means I must not be a loving person or no one will love me.  That is an example of a story.  Everyone feels sadness and anger sometimes and the important thing is to allow ourselves to feel it fully.  When we do often we can access important insights and wisdom that can lead to true healing.

One only has to observe young children for guidance.  They move easily from one emotional state to another.  Laughing one minute and throwing a temper tantrum the next.  Adults sometimes judge these states as good or bad.  It is good if our children are happy but not so good if they are angry or upset.  This is a false dichotomy and does nothing to allow for the integration of our wholeness which lies beyond the thinking mind.   We might want to help our children regulate their emotions and express them if they are at a particular age.  But that is different from judgement or fear that there is something wrong with them if they show up in a particular way.

So how do we practice feeling and become aware of our feelings.  One easy way is to make space during the day for a few moments of reflection and stillness.  In that space we can more easily feel into our emotional nature.  Take a moment to write down whatever arises be it sadness, frustration or excitement and anticipation for your day.  You might want to tap on this feelings or simply breathe into them to soften and dissipate them.

If you notice any resistance simple welcome it.  If you have experienced trauma or suffer from depression you might notice that certain parts of yourself feel frozen or numb.  Just noticing these parts of you and welcoming them with kindness and compassion can do much to loosen the grip these energies have on us.  Come back to  yourself a few times during the day and watch your emotional connection to yourself soften and expand.

Have a great month everyone,

Much love,

Vivianne

Hello Everyone,

Welcome to Fall!!

For many it is a favorite time of year as we reap the rewards of the beauty of the abundant nature that surrounds us. This summer I took some time to go deeper into my enquiry and reflections about what really contributes to our aliveness, our wholeness and our ability to be fully and authentically ourselves.

Early on my studies, and in my desire to support both myself and others to live happier, healthier lives I read everything I could on topics about happiness and what contributes to a fulfilling and successful life. I came across a quote early in my work as a therapist, which has been in many ways a guiding light and steering me towards my true north.

“Don’t ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive and go for it.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive” – Howard Thurman

At the time, I was not exactly sure what Howard Thurman meant when he wrote this quote.

However, I interpreted it, and as Erin McLaughlan suggests the real question for most of us is:

“how can we nurture and take care of our aliveness while serving the needs of others”.

There are many things that contribute to our feeling alive and happy.  Joseph Campbell might have been one of the first to suggest we “follow our bliss”.  And, in fact, many recent scientific studies have confirmed that following our joy is indeed a crucial factor in feeling fulfilled and increasing our happiness quotient.

During the summer I came across another quote from Werner Erhard:

“The only two things in our lives are aliveness and patterns that block our aliveness.

He goes on to say that our aliveness is not something that we can obtain from something outside of ourselves, but moreover, it is already in us.  Our job is to remove the blocks and patterns that prevents our natural aliveness from bursting forth.

In the next blog I will start to explore some of the factors that I have found that contribute to patterns that might block our aliveness and thus our creativity and flow.

I invite you to join me in this enquiry and conversation as we are all in this together.  As always, I welcome your comments and emails.

Much love,

Vivianne

Welcome to summer!

Do you ever feel like you are not enough?  That somehow you should be more, have more, be different than you are?  This seems to be the malaise of our times.  Many people who come to see me feel like there is something wrong with them, or somehow not good enough or undeserving.  These beliefs often arise from our thinking minds which have had a habit of holding on to such thoughts and then repeating them over and over again e.g. I am not worthy, I am not good enough etc.  Imagine if this was your mantra everyday what would you end up believing?  Beliefs, however, are different from truth.  The truth is that we are all good enough, we are worthy and deserving of love just because we exist.  A tree does not question whether it is worthy of the rain watering it or the sun shining its light.  It receives without question.  Many of us have an idea of love that is conditional.  I will love you when …..(fill in the blanks).  So, therefore, withholding love until such a time that we or the other person meets our expectations.  Unconditional love, the love that is based on the spiritual principle that “everything is love” does not wait for conditions to change in order to offer itself.  It is a love that is not based on judgements or punishing others when they don’t give us what they want.  Above all it is generous and forgiving in nature.  When we give ourselves and others unconditional love we open the floodgates to receiving, to feeling connected and experiencing the love most of us seek.

That doesn’t mean that we necessarily accept the status quo, if we have made a mistake or we feel our lives could benefit from some positive changes. That is about learning and self-growth.  It can mean though that we create these changes from a place of acceptance and love actually easing the path for good to flow.   Beating ourselves up with self-criticism and blame creates a damn in our psyches.  A barrier to both receiving and giving.  Stagnant waters occur where we are damned up.  Remove the damn, replace it with love and  laughter and watch how the rivers of life flow to you with ease and grace.

You are enough!

Have a great month everyone,

Much love,

Vivianne

Today I paid a visit to one of my favourite grocery stores “The National” in Westmount Village.  Like many of the stores these days, they are requesting customers to either bring their own bags or buy one from the store.  I did not have a bag with me so I asked them to supply me with one.  I was given a lovely solid plastic reusable bag with a big green sign across it that said “Respect the Environment”.   Later in the day I was walking along the street and I saw a woman wearing a t shirt with the words “Respect Above Else” boldly written across her chest.   Ok, I thought, the universe is clearly getting my attention and so the topic of my musing today.

There are many who believe, and I am one of them, that our relationship with the earth and how we see our connection to this beautiful planet which we inhabit is very much a reflection of how we treat ourselves. We don’t have to go far to consider the ways that pollution, disrespecting and trashing the precious resources that we have been gifted is affecting all of us.  For example, we all know that without water we cannot survive yet for many years we have ignored this truth, allowing these waters to be poisoned and harmed by our reckless behaviour.  Yes, we are waking up to all this and, for sure, there is much we can do to reverse the damage but it can only happen if we hold “water” in its highest regard truly valuing the role it plays in our lives.   It also requires us to place Nature as a more important commodity than money.

In my work, I see the way I can contribute to this honouring of nature and the environment is by holding the space for others to come back to a right relationship with themselves.   Basically, to love and honour ourselves for the beautiful creation that we are.  This in turn will translate naturally into how we treat others and our natural habitat.  After all, when we hold ourselves in the highest regard, we care what we put into our bodies, how we spend our precious time and energy and what thoughts and beliefs we hold about ourselves.  Our feelings are met with love rather than something to be ignored, rejected or dumped on others.    We now know that the ways we respond to different situations can affect our health and wellbeing more than we have previously thought.

Consider the work of Lynne McTaggert who wrote the book “The Intention Experiment”.   There is much evidence that holding a heartfelt intention can do much to facilitate healing.  Contrary it is thought that when we worry or live in fear we are likely to be creating an inner environment of stress and contraction.  We have many tools at our disposal to create more ease and harmony within and most involve relaxing the mind and connecting with our feelings so something more spacious can emerge; breathwork, meditation, journaling, tapping, bodywork can facilitate this process just to name a few.

Caring about our emotional ecology is good for all.  Our job is to take these simple truths and apply them to our lives.

Much love, everyone!

Vivianne

One of the main times many of us reach out to a therapist, coach or trusted friend is when life’s circumstances become intense or stressful.  We become overwhelmed emotionally and need support and assistance in processing what we are experiencing.

When faced with intense feelings there can be a tendency to want to get rid of, escape from or fix our emotions as soon as possible so we can get on with our lives.

But what if we could find a way in those moments to recognise that our emotions are just energy in motion and turn inwards to explore our inner landscape in order to restore the harmony we are seeking.

Here are six simple steps to assist in this process:

1. Create some space to listen to whatever is going on inside of you.
2. Soften and breathe into the situation that is upsetting or stressful
3. Take a few moments or write out your thoughts, reactions and beliefs e.g. Why does this always happen to me?  Or this is never going to change.Journal prompts such as: I am feeling……I am sensing……can be useful.
4. Identify the thoughts that you might believe in but may not necessarily be true. The work of Byron Katie can be very useful to assist us in this.  For example, questioning our habitual thinking “is it true that this is never going to change?” can show us where we might be buying into false assumptions keeping us stuck and scared.
5. Embracing and feeling our feelings without judgement or blame softens and dissipates them.
6. Connect to the calm and ease that is always within us when we get out of our own way!

Taking care of our emotional landscape helps to balance our mind, body and spirit.  The result is we can choose to feel peaceful and empowered to respond to life’s situations in ways that serve us and those around us.

Have a great month everyone,

Much love,

Vivianne

This month I have been studying a book called “Life Loves You” by Louise Hay and Robert Holden.  This is a beautiful book filled with meditations, poems and exercises to consider the perspective that life is always there to support us.

One of the exercises that Louise and Robert recommend is “mirror work” or “mirror play” as Louise liked to describe it.  Many psychologists, counsellors and coaches use this exercise with clients to help them connect with their inherent self-worth.

The exercise goes like this:

1. Take a mirror and seat yourself opposite it in a comfortable position
2. Take a few deep breaths, look into the mirror and say to yourself “life loves you”. Repeat about 10 times.
3. Note what comes up for you as you do this exercise i.e. thoughts, judgements, sensations. Notice how your body is feeling e.g. is there any tension or resistance coming up in the body as you engage in this exercise.

Once you have completed this portion, say to yourself “today I am willing to let life love me”.

Again, take some breaths and notice anything that comes up for you.

This exercise can be very revealing, both in allowing ourselves to consider the ways we already see that life loves us and also where there might be some resistance or doubts about this idea.  It might be that you find that you notice a fair share of self judgements or judgements by others.  Louise encourages you to be kind with yourself around this.  Judgements are  merely thoughts but just because we think them does not mean they are true.

The relationship we have with ourselves is paramount to our health and wellbeing.  When we can come from a place of self love and a sense that we can receive love, we will start to see mirrors in the world that reflect that.  It may also change the way we interact with the world.  Rather than coming from a place of fear or defensiveness we might be more receptive and open with others around us.

If you want to go more in depth into these concepts or this exercise you might want to look into the book “Life loves you”.  Or feel free to email me with your questions.

Have a wonderful holiday weekend!!

Much love,

Vivianne

Hello Everyone,

Hope you are all having a beautiful month. One of the questions that often comes up around relationships is how to stay calm when we are feeling triggered and reactive. Most of us want warm loving connections with our partners, children and friends, however, despite our best intentions we can feel triggered resulting in anger and disconnection. So how can we best work with this?

The first step is to acknowledge our feelings and be willing to take 100% responsibility for them. The other person may have been the catalyst for these feelings but only we can decide how we are going to respond to them. There is a great temptation many times to blame the other person for what we are feeling and hoping if they will change then our feelings will change. But in doing so, we place the power outside of ourselves which results in us feeling like a victim and powerless to make the changes we would like. Instead, if we can just take a moment to just acknowledge the hurt, the sadness, the anger or whatever else we are feeling we can learn to take care of ourselves in any situation.

Sometimes journaling about what we are feeling can help us to gain clarity about why we are being triggered and how we generally feel in this particular relationship. Holding and embracing the hurt parts of ourselves can go a long way. We can take the time also to breathe into our feelings, softening and allowing ourselves to feel the full extent of what is transpiring for us. In general, we want to be able to use our relationships as a means of healing, to stay open hearted to learn from them. If we become reactive and have a tendency to blame others, we might instead become defensive, shut down and build a wall between us and the other person.

Love is something we all want to give and receive. Seeking the ways that we can stay connected to ourselves and others provide us with the best way to show up as the love that we are.

Much love,

Vivianne

Hello Everyone,

Welcome to 2018!

Enthusiasm is the elevating force that lifts your dreams up to the stars.

How are you all doing this January? At the beginning of the new year, many of us are encouraged to take the time to set goals and strategies for the forthcoming year. Some people advocate making lists and resolutions and, on the internet, we can find a multitude of suggestions for how to make a resolution and stick to it As I have written on previous blogs, at this time of year, while I am sure resolutions work for some people, for many they don’t. They don’t work because these resolutions are based on concepts and sometimes conditioned or learned beliefs about what we should or should not be focusing on, and has little to do with how we feel or where our heart is leading us.

When I feel into the experiences and projects I have committed to and completed, they were mainly fueled by the same thing:” enthusiasm”. Enthusiasm seems to generate its own energy, propels us into action and will help us to stay true to course even if the road gets tough.

Consider this quote taken from www.enthousiasme.info/en/: “Enthusiasm is one of the most divine feelings we can experience. It is energy vibrating at the highest level, energy vibrating in tune with creation. When we are feeling enthusiasm, we are on the cruise ship of divinity. Enthusiasm is what lets you know that you are right on track with your life. This divine feeling of excitement is your reward for heading towards your true soul purpose”.

So this January, I invite you to feel into what you are most enthusiastic about as you begin another year. Are there any projects that are falling flat that might be best let go of, or maybe just redefined so you can feel some excitement and enthusiasm propelling you forward?

On another note, I have set up a new Facebook Page which will provide another platform for me to share more of my musings as well as books, webinars and whatever else I feel can assist us all in leading healthier and happier lives.

My monthly musing will continue as is and will also be posted on the Facebook page You can find the link to the page below. Please feel free to invite your friends and colleagues, or anyone else you think might be interested, or benefit from this Facebook group.

https://www.facebook.com/Vivianne-Bentley-PhD-1638867276341752/

As always, your comments and feedback are always welcome!!

Much love,

Vivianne

How are you all doing this holiday season.

Between the busyness of getting ready for the holidays and preparing to travel to see my family in the UK, I have found myself reflecting on the word “joy”; its meaning and the feeling that joy can generate. This enquiry started this summer when I read “The Book of Joy” written by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu. One the questions that was most burning to them was “how do we find joy in the face of life’s inevitable struggles?”

This holiday season I thought I would share with you 10 facts that I discovered about joy during my research and enquiry:

Joy is not always considered a feeling, moreover an attitude of heart.

Joy can be found in the small things of life and does not depend on “happiness”.

The more you notice what brings you joy, the more you notice what brings you joy.

Joy can be present even when we are grieving or feel sad.

Joy’s home is in the Now.

Our brain is hardwired for joy (Candace Pert, Ph.D).

Tapping on the third eye i.e. point between the eyebrow while we are experiencing joy can enhance its effects.

Joy is good for the immune system.

Acceptance of what is seems to invite more joy to be present.

Being at peace with our past allows joy to arise naturally.

This holiday season I invite you to welcome the joy that you already are into your homes and hearts. Each one of us can add to the joyful season in a myriad of ways. Just think about how many of us love to be around babies or young children who are full of joy. Allowing ourselves to recapture those innocent times can bring out our eternal joyful nature.

Wishing you all much love and joy for the New Year. Thank you for being part of my life and community and I look forward to connecting with you in the New Year.

Much love,

Vivianne

I recently participated in an online writing course and one of the participants was asking me questions about the field of Energy Psychology.  Even though this discipline has been in existence for over 20 years it seems that still little is known about it.  I was drawn to the field primarily because it seemed to be a bridge between the worlds of science and spirituality, offering practical tools that facilitated healing.

In 2005 David Feinstein, Donna Eden and Gary Craig wrote a book called “The Promise of Energy Psychology”.   This a great book for anyone wanting to learn more about Energy Psychology and new ways to facilitate emotional wellness.  In one of the chapters, the authors describe how despite the rapid results that many are experiencing, there seems to be slow acceptance in the medical field to learn more about or implement energy healing techniques in medical or professional practices.  This is despite the fact that there are now sound scientific studies supporting energy healing tools such as Emotional Freedom Technique, EMDR and other energy modalities.

So, what’s the problem?  One of the most fundamental differences between traditional psychotherapy and medical practices and the field of energy psychology stems from a difference in beliefs.  One of the main tenets of energy psychology lies in the understanding that “everything is energy”.   Consider this quote found in the book:

“The cell is a machine driven by energy.  It can thus be approached by studying matter, or by studying energy.  In every culture and in every medical tradition before ours, healing was accomplished by moving energy”
– Albert Szent-Gyorgi, Nobel Laureate in Medicine.

Therefore, if we believe that our “problem” be it medical or psychological is something that is fixed or nearly impossible to change then we approach the solution already with this kind of mind set.  If you visit a doctor, a psychiatrist or psychologist who holds this view, then they may not be open to tools or understanding of healing that might conflict with their world views.   Fortunately, though the field of medicine and psychology is changing.  Only a few short years ago, meditation was considered part of the new age movement.  Now mindfulness programs can be found in leading training hospitals and universities around the world.  Maybe energy medicine is next.

It is important to consider that there is not a one size fits all to healing and there are, of course, some conditions for which energy psychology practices may not be the best.  There is always much to learn and understand about the ways that facilitate physical and emotional wellness.  The path to healing can also be different for everyone.  Moreover, what I am considering is as new advances and scientific discoveries are made then it is up to all of us to be open and educate ourselves before closing our minds and hearts to new possibilities.  An integrative approach to our health can only benefit all.

It seems that inherent in our human nature is a part of us that may be slow and reluctant to accept new perspectives that may conflict with what we have always believed, as if we feel that our core identity might be at stake by changing our beliefs.  You know that voice that says “who am I if I challenge this belief”?  Rather than realising that, in truth, it is in the relinquishing of our old and outdated beliefs that it is possible to create ourselves anew.  This is as much true for us as individuals as it is for humanity as a whole.