I recently attended a conference given by the Heartmath Institute, a wonderful organization that researches and teaches the science and value behind “heart intelligence”.   We are used to the notion that our brains have intelligences. but generally have considered that these intelligences reside in our brains not our hearts and guts.

I met a veteran at the conference who had served in Afghanistan and returned home broken and suicidal.  He was diagnosed with PTSD and had difficultly reconnecting with his wife and family.  He and his colleagues were offered an 8 week session during which they were able to practise heart math tools and learn how to establish heart coherence (when our heart, mind and emotions are in sync).  He recounted how these tools changed his life.  He now wakes up each morning and starts his day with a heart “lock in” and heart meditations.   He describes himself as “peaceful and full of joy”..

Recently Heartmath sent me a gift  This gift is a stone in the shape of the heart with the words “add heart” written across it.  It is easy to add heart to the people and things we already love in our lives, but what about the more challenging aspects of our lives.  Bringing our hearts to that which we resist can help us to soften, feel and integrate more fully our emotions around these life events

Here are some simple ways we can add heart to our daily lives

• Spend a few moments in the morning or whenever you get a chance to pause and breathe in and out through the area of the heart. Bring to your awareness someone or something you appreciate about your life and bring that quality of appreciation into your heart and your body.  You might also  radiate appreciation to those that are close to you and to the world at large.  This is called a “heart lock-in” and you can find more about this meditation on youtube or the Heatmath website
• Think about someone, could be close to you or an organization, or some challenge you are dealing with.. Take a deep breath and feel into fully what is going on for you around this situation..  Add heart to any resistance embracing your fears, worries and emotions.
• Take an inventory into different areas of your life e.g. health, finances, family and consider what your heart might say about each of these areas. Are you making your decisions based on your “thinking” mind or are your following the intuitive guidance of your heart?
• Practising staying connected to your heart and following its guidance will strengthen your trust in this guidance system. We say that the brain “thinks” yet the heart “knows”.  Trusting that inner knowing and acting from it despite what logic or other people might say takes courage and practice.
• For those of you who enjoy technology, the Heartmath organization has an app and a sensor you can buy to tune in and bring yourself into heart coherence at any moment.

So my wonderful friends, this holiday season I invite you to remember to add heart on a daily basis extending it most importantly to yourself, holding yourself in love and self-compassion.  The spirit of Xmas is love and presence and those are the best gifts of all.

For more information about the science of the heart and ways to “add heart” visit www.heartmath.com

I love and appreciate you all for being part of my community and allowing me to express myself through you.  I receive many gifts from each of you and I hope you have from me.

Much love,

Vivianne

Welcome to my fall musing!

How are you all doing in this new season with cooler temperatures coupled with political turmoil!!  Change of any kind can evoke all kinds of thoughts and feelings.  Many of us experience discomfort in the face of change.  And yet what we know for certain is that life is full of change. Early Buddhism declares that there is nothing that is fixed or permanent.  Life is continuously changing and so are we.

Our ability to handle change and transitions can allow us to become adaptive and resilient.  However many of us live in resistance to change and that can feel like we are living life with the breaks on rather than letting go of the control.  Living life fully can be easier if we are willing to give up the control and allow ourselves to move through transitions as if change is on our side.

Tips to handle change

1. Acknowledge the thoughts and feelings that are arising without judgement.  Notice where they are housed in your body (include sensations) and you might want to rate them from 1 to 10.  Accepting what is there is an important first step.
2. Notice if you have a “story” running about the change that is happening.  Are we holding negative outcomes without really knowing what the future holds or is there a place for us to be open to possibilities and trust in life’s unfolding   Being honest about our perspective can help enormously.   Shifting our fears is sometimes just a thought away.   But it requires us to turn towards the fear, acknowledge it and then choose another way of seeing things.  Running from our feelings or avoiding the difficult ones is never the answer.

   You might be aware of a lot of mixed feelings and there is no need to rush through this step.  Slow down, breathe and take your time to acknowledge your experience.   For example, although not essential, grief can be a natural part of any change, even if the change seems exciting and full of promise.  Share your feelings with someone who can hold space for you without trying to fix or give advice.

3. Journaling can be a helpful tool to give voice to our emotions  Or if you don’t have time to journal just write a list of all that you are feeling.  You can gently tap on the collar bone (one of the energy points used in Emotional Freedom Technique) while doing this which can allow the emotions and energy to dissipate.
4. Take some deep breaths by lengthening the exhale that can signal calmness and safety to our nervous system.  Allow your body to guide your activities and decisions.
5. If the transition or change you are faced with seems overwhelming, you might want to reach out for support or find a trusted person to hold space for you.  Be gentle with yourself some transitions are easier than others to navigate.

As always, if you have any questions, I am always happy to hear from you

In the meantime, much love,

Vivianne

This month as nature blossoms all around us, it invites us to shrug off our winter skin and melt into the beauty of life itself.  To ease our path in this, the topic I have chosen to explore this month is “Embodiment”.  Embodiment has become a popular term in the field of Somatic Psychology.  So, what is embodiment?

“Embodiment is the practice of attending to your sensations. Awareness of your body serves as a guiding compass to help you feel more in charge of the course of your life. Somatic awareness provides a foundation for empathy, helps you make healthy decisions, and gives important feedback about your relationships with others. Embodiment in somatic psychology applies mindfulness and movement practices to awaken body awareness as a tool for healing.”
-Dr. Arielle Schwartz

The shadow aspect of embodiment is a feeling of being dissociated or disconnected.  Mild dissociation can occur when we have been watching tv or on the computer for lengthy periods of time.  In simple terms dissociation is a sense of not being connected to the here and now.

Dissociation occurs most often as a result of difficult traumatic life experiences such as physical and/or sexual abuse.   Dissociation can also occur at the time of an accident e.g. car, bike, ski.  However, we can also dissociate in any circumstances that might feel threatening to us; such as parents fighting or yelling at us when we are very small.   In many situations, dissociation is considered an adaptive mechanism to prevent us from having to feel the full force of the pain or overwhelming emotions at the time of a trauma.

However, what is less adaptive is the fact that we remained dissociated long after the event occurs and so can feel numb or spaced out. We can also find ourselves triggered later in life by similar life events causing us to flee or freeze making it harder to deal with our relationships and our lives.  For example, if as a child you were sensitive to other people’s angry or rejecting behaviour, later in life if someone gets angry it can take you back to that disconnected state.  Instead of speaking up or engaging in solutions that might ease the situation we might have a tendency to withdraw and shy away from confrontation even though the current situation may be workable.  Coming back into the here and now, feeling safe in our bodies and our lives is the work and process of integrating traumatic memories.

For many years the body was left out of psychological conversations.  The emphasis was on mental and emotional processes.  However, from a holistic perspective everything we experience is imprinted on a physical and cellular level which is why it is important that in integrating life’s experiences we include our whole selves in the process.

So how can we gently bring ourselves back into our bodies and into the here and now.

1. Any grounding techniques such as walking barefoot on the grass or earth.
   Just being aware of our feet and wiggling our toes brings our energy down towards the earth.  A great visual cue is to imagine yourself as a tree.  A tree stands tall reaching up towards the sky and also is deeply rooted down towards the earth.

2. Breathe into the core of the body gently softening into any sensations that may be arising.
3.   Try shaking each part of your body gently starting with the legs and working up until you get to a whole-body shake. Helps release tension and rigidity.
4. Put on some music and allow your body to move in any way it is wanting to move.
5. Listen to your body. What might it be communicating to you?  Express whatever you sense might be preventing you from being at home in the here and now.  For example, it could be worry, overthinking or trying too hard to fix something.   Journal, shout it out, use tapping, whatever is calling you to feel more connected to yourself and the flow of life

The emphasis in embodiment practices is on following feelings and sensations rather than following thoughts.  No judgement though; this is not a right or wrong practice.   This is about feeling good in our skin.  The result is that we live our lives experiencing everything from a richer and more sensual and expansive place.  Try noticing when you eat your food.   Consider the difference when you might be distracted and thinking about something or when you are enjoying and savoring the food.    Same thing could be for other things we enjoy like being with our loved ones or making love.  If we are in our heads rather than in our bodies we may be missing out on the full richness of our lives.

As always if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me.

Meanwhile have a great month everyone.

Much love,

Vivianne

“You are not a project to be solved.  You are a mystery coming into form”
Licata, M.

Many branches of medicine, neuroscience, psychology are coming to the same conclusions that it is our unprocessed trauma (i.e. blocked energies and emotions) that are underlying many diseases and our mental and emotional health.  This unhealed trauma can easily get in the way of us fully stepping into our lives.  It can also create tension, stress and chronic pain in our bodies as we go about our daily lives.  Thus there are many processes and practices which have arisen over the last decade to help us to work with experiences that may feel traumatic.

One of the common misunderstandings in our conversations about trauma is that it is something to be “fixed”, “controlled” or “gotten rid of”.   However in this mode it seems that we are at war with our lives and ourselves.  While our minds might like the idea that there is something out there that we can use to “get rid” of life’s more painful experiences, true healing is more a working through and an integration process where our more challenging and painful experiences are welcomed and embraced as part of the sumptuous mosaic we call life.  Fully experiencing and welcoming what happened to us can serve to dissolve painful memories freeing up our energies from the past.  This is an important concept for us to embrace and engage with as it fundamentally changes the way we relate to our experiences and those around us.  “Many times it is not what happened to us but how we hold the experience afterwards.” Kipp, M.

Our minds like to judge things as good and bad.  For example, I like this experience, I don’t like this one.  However, life is made up of many different kind of experiences and compartmentalising them in this way negates their worth or value.  If we consider ourselves as a symphony then no one instrument is better than another.  It is when all are played in harmony that beautiful music can be  heard.

So I invite you to welcome all the parts of you.  All the feelings that you might judge as bad or unwanted and welcome them into the circle.  Be present with them and attend to them as you would a precious child.  Holding these feelings and experiences with tenderness and compassion allows us to have a loving relationship with ourselves and our lives.  It is easier to surrender the past when we have made peace with it.  You do not need to be worthy to have a great life, all you need is to be present with it and let something greater do the rest.

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday season!

Much love,

Vivianne

This month I have been studying a book called “Life Loves You” by Louise Hay and Robert Holden.  This is a beautiful book filled with meditations, poems and exercises to consider the perspective that life is always there to support us.

One of the exercises that Louise and Robert recommend is “mirror work” or “mirror play” as Louise liked to describe it.  Many psychologists, counsellors and coaches use this exercise with clients to help them connect with their inherent self-worth.

The exercise goes like this:

1. Take a mirror and seat yourself opposite it in a comfortable position
2. Take a few deep breaths, look into the mirror and say to yourself “life loves you”. Repeat about 10 times.
3. Note what comes up for you as you do this exercise i.e. thoughts, judgements, sensations. Notice how your body is feeling e.g. is there any tension or resistance coming up in the body as you engage in this exercise.

Once you have completed this portion, say to yourself “today I am willing to let life love me”.

Again, take some breaths and notice anything that comes up for you.

This exercise can be very revealing, both in allowing ourselves to consider the ways we already see that life loves us and also where there might be some resistance or doubts about this idea.  It might be that you find that you notice a fair share of self judgements or judgements by others.  Louise encourages you to be kind with yourself around this.  Judgements are  merely thoughts but just because we think them does not mean they are true.

The relationship we have with ourselves is paramount to our health and wellbeing.  When we can come from a place of self love and a sense that we can receive love, we will start to see mirrors in the world that reflect that.  It may also change the way we interact with the world.  Rather than coming from a place of fear or defensiveness we might be more receptive and open with others around us.

If you want to go more in depth into these concepts or this exercise you might want to look into the book “Life loves you”.  Or feel free to email me with your questions.

Have a wonderful holiday weekend!!

Much love,

Vivianne

Summer is the perfect time to slow down, create some space and listen to what is truly calling us.   Sometimes in our busy lives we get distracted and disconnected from what Judith Wright calls our deepest yearnings.  In her book “Soft Addictions”    Judith invites us to consider how much of our time is spent in activities that could be considered addictive.  These are activities that seem “normal” in our culture e.g., watching tv, constant busyness, shopping, surfing the internet, talking about others.  However, they may be preventing us from living life from a more place that is more alignment with who we truly are.

So what is the antidote to these soft addictions.  Well becoming aware of them might be the first step.  So anything that cultivates mindfulness will assist; meditation, yoga, spending some time in nature, authentic movement.  Just slowing down and creating some space in our day will also also go a long way. I also find it helpful to engage in a practice of enquiry?  Taking the time to journal or explore with a good friend:

1. What am I feeling right now?
2. How does my body feel?
3. What would contribute to my health and wellbeing today?
4. Is there something I am avoiding which would be helpful to take care of?
5. What would be most nourishing to me?

As always, be gentle and compassionate with yourself in your enquiry.   It takes great courage to break free from our habitual patterns that may not be serving us.  This enquiry is not about making ourselves feel wrong or bad for our choices but, moreover, to become more intimate with ourselves so we can engage in life in ways that open us up more and more to who we are. Our heart and soul yearns for activities that contribute to our growth, our aliveness and our creativity.

I will be on vacation during the month of August so Vivianne’s Musings will return in September.  To assist you in your slowing down process I have included a short guided meditation.

Have a beautiful summer, everyone.

Much love,

Vivianne

I love summer. As a child I spent my summers on the beach in Spain.  A time of absolute freedom and connection to what I believe matters the most i.e. people, great food, nature, dance, deep connection with my body and the joy of being alive.  Every summer it is as if my body remembers.  As if my body goes to that place where it wants to be lying on a beach, having a simple life, drawing circles in the sand.  Even though I don`t now spend months on a beach (and would not necessarily want to) I do find myself recreating that feeling within whatever experiences I am having.  It is a time to taste food better, to connect with friends, to be outside, to feel my feet on the floor, on the sand, on the rocks or on the grass. A time to swim in oceans, lakes and pools.  A time of sensuality and pleasure where I feel exquisitely alive.  As summer draws to a close I find my mind wanting to make fall bad. My mind wants me to complain and whine. At times I find myself resisting the beauty of fall, what fall has to offer.  Yet, I know my heart loves fall. At this point in my life, fall is filled with all kinds of succulent experiences.  The problem is my mind can get stuck in the past where maybe this was not true. When I breathe into the reality of my life now a different truth emerges.  My heart actually loves all the seasons as my heart knows that life is precious and cannot afford to be in discord with whatever is showing up in my life.  My heart loves life and wants me to enjoy every precious moment whether it be playing in the sand, gathering fall leaves, shoveling snow or seeking eagerly those early signs of spring.  So this fall I am practicing allowing and being in a place of non resistance.  I am asking my mind to let go of the notion that things have to be a certain way so that I can just be with what is.  When resistance shows up I just notice it, breathe into it and let it go.  Today and each day I choose to enjoy life.